Hello people, Its no news that for the past two days now we’ve been running a mini series on choice and love. Different questions have been arising and different answers have been popping up too . So today we will be reaching a verdict on some of the questions that arose yesterday.
In my opinion concerning yesterday, I would start by saying that firstly before you go into a relationship I think its necessary for you to find out the extent to which your partner and his ex went. Not stopping there but going the extra mile to find out how long he had been separated before thinking of dating you. With this, you have a framework.
That aside, another serious advice if you happen to go into a relationship with someone who had a long term girlfriend, just like yesterday. Like his girlfriend and him go way back and they had something really strong, things did not end up well and they parted ways. Even if they agreed to part ways, you still have to be extremely careful because trust me that’s some serious old flame. My key advice on this one, (take it personal, make sure all ties between them are severed and don’t listen to anybody saying you have insecurity issues, learn to trust and all of that).
Fine you’ll learn to trust but make sure you clear the internal debris very well because majority of times, we get controlled by our feelings . Also, when clearing the internal debris make sure you’re living up to his expectation. Don’t give your partner any reason to say “if only he was here or she was here“. Make serious effort.
On the main issue of divorcing your wife to marry your lost but found lover, that’s a serous deal. For one, there was a part of the book that a character said “when we finally make money, we marry the women that are around not the women we are in love with“. Funny, but that is what happens in the society and that is why we have cases of divorce. Due to societal pressures, family melodrama and demands especially in the African society. If you don’t have a firm ground you’ll notice that with time it will look like you don’t have a bearing and then anything goes.
The choices and decisions we make are a huge part of our everyday life and we must take full responsibility for them and live with the consequences. Answering the question, is a very difficult one but I’m going to be honest I’m only human. If I was the man, I know that fine I have history with this lady but I made a choice by taking another woman to the altar so I have to live with that, secondly I have a little child looking up to me for direction, I’ll severe all ties with my lover, if possible move away and to make my marriage work, I’ll start working on my wife and learn to accept her for who she is but then they’re compromises and sacrifices in a marriage.
Where the wife doesn’t want to change is the problem. Majority of women will change because no woman wants her man outside with someone else. Were she does not change, you are faced with another choice and decision to make. The bottom line is that Yes it really is very hard but if you are someone of integrity, who stands firm by his decisions, you’ll do it. There is after-all more to life than love and in all honesty, only love in a relationship is never enough talk less of a marriage union. You have to consider how your child will look at you and so many other things.
Patience is key, if he really loved her he would have waited or if he found out he could not wait, he would have communicated his desire to let go to her. King Solomon said “life is simple but we have made it complicated“. That’s one statement that beats me up every now and then. I hope you guys enjoyed this short series.